On Avoiding a Marriage Your Parents Are Quite Certain Is an Excellent Idea
Being a practical guide for young ladies whose families have mistaken stubbornness for compliance.
There comes a moment in many a young woman's life when she discovers, often quite suddenly, that her future has been arranged without the inconvenience of consulting her.
One is summoned to the parlour. One's father clears his throat. One's mother adopts the expression of a woman who believes herself to be acting in one's best interests. Tea is poured. Smiles are exchanged. A gentleman's name is mentioned.
And just like that, one's freedom develops a distinct limp.
Should you find yourself in such circumstances, I offer the following observations.
Method the First: Become Unbearable
This is the most obvious approach and, sadly, the least effective.
Families who have spent years enduring your opinions are unlikely to be discouraged by a few additional ones.
Indeed, many parents regard obstinance in their daughters as a temporary defect that marriage will somehow cure.
History suggests otherwise.
Method the Second: Acquire a Reputation
This may seem promising.
Unfortunately, society possesses an astonishing ability to forgive nearly any behaviour in a young woman provided she remains sufficiently decorative.
One may argue with clergymen, terrify suitors, and publicly question the intelligence of local magistrates.
Yet if one remains pretty enough, invitations continue to arrive.
It is deeply unfair.
Method the Third: Flee
Popular among the dramatic.
Frequently recommended by those who have never attempted it.
One quickly discovers that escape requires planning, money, and an alarming familiarity with geography.
Many young ladies possess none of the three.
Method the Fourth: Develop Principles
This is by far the most dangerous course.
A woman who begins asking herself what she actually wants creates immediate difficulties for everyone around her.
Parents become concerned.
Suitors become nervous.
Aunts begin praying.
The woman herself becomes impossible to manage.
The results, however, are often excellent.
A Final Observation
It has been suggested to me that obedience is a virtue.
I do not dispute this.
I merely observe that blind obedience is often praised most enthusiastically by those who benefit from it.
Should you find yourself facing a future chosen entirely by others, I encourage at least one act of rebellion.
It need not be dramatic.
You need not flee into the night.
You need not scandalise the county.
Simply ask yourself whether the life being planned for you is one you would willingly choose.
The answer may prove inconvenient.
It may also prove useful.
And if all else fails, I recommend becoming difficult.
Many excellent stories begin that way.
Composed on 7th June, 1836 whilst preparing to call upon family in the Colonies. Rumours that Miss Lucine Elizabeth Watson has expressed an unusual interest in the whereabouts of a certain third cousin are entirely malicious and, regrettably, difficult to disprove.